Outwit, Outplay, Outblog: A Crazy Premiere for Survivor 28

By Benji Glowinsky

Survivor.Cagayan.S28E00.Preview.Special

Aaaaaaannnnddd we’re back!

Welcome to The B-Glow Show’s Survivor column, Outwit, Outplay, Outblog, where we will bring you coverage of Survivor: Cagayan! Each week Benji will take a look into into the inner workings of the three tribes while reviewing the past episode. Let’s get into it, shall we?

Wow! What an outstandingly entertaining way to kick off the 28th season of Survivor! We had so many interesting events in the premiere, but let’s not bury the lead:

FIRST HOUR OF TWO-HOUR PREMIERE!

Jeff Probst says the words, “39 Days, 18 People, 1 Survivor,” and we have started. The three tribes, Solana, Luzon, and Appari, are assembled in front of Jeff, where he explains the first twist, that the tribes are divided based on Beauty, Brains, and Brawn, in Purple, Green, and Orange, respectively. OMG OMG, then Jeff says there will be ANOTHER twist! Each tribe must elect a leader, who will make important decisions on behalf of the tribe. The Beauties elect LJ, the perfect man as I like to call him, as their leader. The Brawn tribe elects Sarah, the cop, as their leader. The Brains tribe elects Miami Marlins president, David Samson as their leader. Then, get this, Jeff tells the leaders that they each must choose one player as “The Weakest” on their tribe. LJ selects Morgan, the absolute rocket with a huge… personality. Over at the Brawn tribe, Sarah’s choice for the weakest player is Trish, the forty-something year old Pilates instructor with a Bostonian accent that has a 98% chance of annoying you throughout this season. After the first two tribe leaders decided to elect seemingly weaker women as the tribe’s Weakest Player, David goes with a much more tone-setting approach. David chooses Garrett, the clear strongest member of the Brains tribe physically, stating that he’s thinking about the later stages of the game in his decision. After some shock from the other castaways at this decision, Morgan, Trish, and Garrett gather next to Jeff, who then announces that the three weakest players will get sent back to camp via helicopter while the rest of their tribe members walk back to camp.

Direct quote from Jeff: "Lol guys I punk'd you your not out of the game hahaha!"

Direct quote from Jeff: “Lol guys I totally punk’d you, you’re not out of the game hahaha lolololol!”

The Weakest Players get greeted at their empty camps by a choice: Hidden Immunity Idol clue, or an extra bag of rice for the tribe (and since the rest of the tribe is walking back to camp, all three have ample time to go Idol hunting if they so choose). This leader/weakest player twist is sort of like a mix of the Tocantins “First Impressions” twist, and the Samoa “Leaders” twist. If you don’t get those references then you should be proud of yourself for watching so little Reality TV.

Over at the Brawn camp, Trish, giving sentimental, motherly-instinct reasoning, picks rice for the tribe because, you know, she’s just a good person. Once the rest of the tribe returns, Trish explains how good of a person she is by telling her tribe she picked rice for the tribe. Sarah and Trish make amends, and everybody is happy. The tribe is getting along well, and everyone on Brawn seems to be loving former NBA player, Cliff Robinson. Well, everyone except Tony, the cop from New Jersey (pronounced Nu Joyzee). Tony just doesn’t get why everyone loves Cliff. You must be reading this going, wait, there are two cops, Sarah and Tony, on the same tribe. Why Hasn’t Benji addressed this yet????????? Worry not reader. Sarah, right out of the gate, suspects that based off of his mannerisms, Tony might also be a cop, and approaches him to ask. Tony lies, and says that he works in construction. Sarah smells something fishy, but decides to leave Tony alone.

On the Beauty beach, Morgan arrives surprised she was chosen as the weakest (getting ostracized doesn’t usually happen to pretty people). She has a grudge blooming against LJ, who singled her out, and goes on to choose the idol clue in order to find security in the game. The rest of her tribe returned as she was looking for the idol in the ocean, and Morgan was forced to come up with a quick cover story. I have to say, I was very impressed with Morgan’s improv in this situation. She and her tribe meet at the beach, and pointing to the supplies that were already there when Morgan arrived at camp, one bag of rice, shelter materials, and some fishing gear, Morgan asks her tribe if they like what she chose, and they unanimously agree, content with her “decision”. Brice gets some airtime following the tribe’s arrival in which he mentions his intention to bring in Morgan as his number two, which he successfully does.

At Brains, Garrett isn’t happy. He arrives at camp, and lo and behold, Garrett chooses the idol clue, and almost immediately finds the idol. The rest of the tribe returns, and although there is friction between Garrett and David, the tribe as a whole is peaceful. Sorry, they were peaceful, Up until this woman showed up on our screens.

J'Tia, the "nuclear engineer," giving Spencer instructions for shelter-building.

J’Tia, the “nuclear engineer,” giving Spencer instructions for shelter-building.

J’Tia, a member of the Brains tribe, proposes a plan she has orchestrated for building the perfect shelter, in which the rest of the tribe builds what she wants while she sits back and watches. This rubs everyone the wrong way. Not to mention that the shelter plan she proposes culminates to an absolute failure of a shelter. So basically everyone is agitated with J’Tia.

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE! BEAUTY AND BRAWN WIN IN AN ABSOLUTE BLOWOUT OF THE BRAINS TRIBE!

Notable facts about the challenge: LJ rocked the puzzle for Beauty, and J’Tia supposedly messed up on a part of the challenge she wasn’t even supposed to do.

Brains are going to Tribal, and immediately David approaches his number one ally, Kass, about wanting to blindside Garrett. Kass shuts down this plan, and says J’Tia needs to go for how she acted at the challenge and with the shelter. They bring in Spencer and Garrett to vote with them, and believe they have a solid four to vote out J’Tia. However, Garrett approaches a distraught J’Tia and tells her they are going to blindside David. The foursome who will do so is J’Tia, Garrett, Tasha, and Spencer, and the do just what they planned.

DAVID VOTED OUT: 4-2

10 Words to Eulogize David: Pre-season thought you’d do well, played too hard too fast.

SECOND HOUR OF TWO-HOUR PREMIERE!

The Brainy Five get back to camp, and immediately we get confessionals of Garrett whining about how he’s not having fun “surviving”. Well it’s a good thing he didn’t sign up for a show which consists of doing exactly that. Garrett then approaches Spencer about the dynamics of the tribe, and how he and Spencer need to now bring in Kass for a final three deal and turn on Tasha and J’Tia. They meet with Kass, and Kass agrees to the deal to their faces but in a confessional says she’ll do whatever she thinks is the best idea.

The Brawn camp is looking nice, and Uncle Cliffy is still the most popular man on that tribe. He mentions his plan to bring in Woo as his “wingman” and had an amazing confessional about it:
“Batman always had Robin, Jordan had Pippen, Cliff has Woo. (laughs) Woo-Tang!”
While Sarah and Lindsay mention how much they like Cliff, Tony reiterates his disdain for Cliff. Trish and Lindsey then have a bit of a tiff while doing work around camp, or in Lindsey’s case, the lack-thereof. Trish calls out Lindsey for not working hard enough, and Lindsey bitches out at Trish, who walked away without furthering the conflict. Tony and Trish then converse about how they should stick together because everyone else is just sucking up to Cliff. Tony then shows the folks at home that he is constructing a “spy shack” to spy on his tribe mates while they talk strategy. I think Rob Cesternino described the spy shack best on Survivor Know it Alls by saying it is basically Tony just putting his hands over his eyes and saying “YOU CANT SEE ME!”

Oh, look, a spy shack! Or is it just some palm fronds against a tree...

Oh, look, a spy shack! Or is it just some palm fronds against a tree…

At Solana (Beauty tribe), Brice continues to build on his alliance with Morgan by approaching Jeremiah, who is flirting heavily with Morgan, to join them to make a three person alliance. Jeremiah agrees, mentioning “us country folk” have to stick together. Also going on at the Beauty camp, Jefra asks people about their bowel movements. Yup.

IMMUNITY/REWARD CHALLENGE!
BRAWN COMES IN FIRST, AND BEAUTY COMES IN SECOND!

Notable facts about the challenge: Brains were wayyyyy in front of Beauty, and it looked like they would win, but then J’Tia completely botched the puzzle, giving LJ enough time to once again rock the puzzle and upset the Brains, sending them to tribal again. Also, Sarah rocked the puzzle for Brawn with a bloody hand! It was very impressive.

Before we get to the Brains drama preceding Tribal, at Brawn camp, Tony quickly finds the idol clue hidden in the reward the tribe received for coming in first in the challenge. He soon after searches for and finds the idol, exclaiming “I’m King of the Jungle!” before kissing the idol way too passionately.

Ok, bear with me here.

We return to the Brains camp where everyone is pissed off at J’Tia for blowing the challenge for them, and Garrett decides to have an open forum about how the votes will go at Tribal. Kass and Spencer, both annoyed with Garrett’s decision to force an open forum, agree with Garrett that J’Tia is what they are leaning towards. When Garrett gets to Tasha, she is furious that Garrett won’t discuss the vote with herself and Spencer alone, and notes that he is simply disinterested in properly playing the game. Kass and Tasha then go down to the beach away from camp, and Garrett and Spencer, afraid Tasha will change Kass’s mind, follow them away from camp. J’Tia, outraged at Garrett and alone at camp, dumps all of the tribe’s rice into the fire. The other four return to camp and are baffled with J’Tia’s actions, and Kass is mad that Garrett was so stupid to leave J’Tia alone at camp. After Garrett performs horrendously at Tribal Council, Kass votes with J’Tia and Tasha and blindsides Garrett in a 3-2 vote, while his previously found idol remains at camp.

GARRETT VOTED OUT: 3-2

10 Words to Eulogize Garrett: Open forums never work, in fairness, how’s J’Tia still there.

Garrett is just as surprised as us that J'Tia is still in the game.

Garrett is just as surprised as us that J’Tia is still in the game.


What Benji’s Thinking:

  • On Brains
    • Spencer is playing a lot more subtly than I presumed he would pre-game, which I like. Even though he is on the wrong side of the numbers, I think Kass will go with him over Tasha and J’Tia. Tasha is showing strategic potential, and of the Brains tribe might go the furthest. Kass is amazing. I love her snarkitude. J’Tia…. Well, you know.
  • On Beauty
    • I love everyone on this tribe so far (except Alexis, but I have no real reason behind that aside from her pre-game interviews). LJ is a puzzle beast, Jefra is adorable, Brice is the driving strategic force so far on the tribe, Morgan impressed me, and Jeremiah has the voice of a cartoon hillbilly. What’s not to like?
  • On Brawn
    • Sarah had a very strong episode, and is showing great things early on. Cliff and Woo really are the best duo ever. Trish handled Lindsey and being named weakest very well. Lindsey will piss people off and be out soon, mark my words. Last but not least, Tony is entertainment gold through one episode. I’m loving the guy, and hope he stays around for the long haul.

Whatta premiere.

NEXT WEEK ON SURVIVOR:

Its gon’ rain, and Tony comes clean to Sarah about being a cop while his masterful strategic cover up of being a construction worker goes by the wayside.

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